Tagged: review
OLD TEA BAGS: Spank Rock ft. Amanda Blank, BUMP
Let’s dip this delicious tea bag in our cups one more time shall we? Spank Rock was my everything a few minutes back, and the song BUMP blew this bitches wig clear across the room every time it shuffled onto my Itunes — which was at least 5 times a day for a spell. This bitch got all distracted for a second, looking for nude photos or even some hot gay porn with Spank and Frank Ocean, but came up empty handed. Instead you can Spank off to this:
Listen up FAGGOTS, EMINEM is not homophobic! Don’t be GAY about it.
Hey you dumb faggots, listen up — Eminem isn’t a homophobe or a homo, OK? Are you ready for this tea?
You hissy fittin’ bitches always get your wigs in a twist when someone uses the word faggot right? But don’t worry when you’re walking down the street holding hands with your husband or wife and you happen to be a same sex couple. According to Eminem, it just means you’re not that cool. He recently told Rolling Stone, “But that word, those kind of words, when I came up battle-rappin’ or whatever, I never really equated those words [to mean homosexual]…It was more like calling someone a bitch or a punk or asshole. So that word was just thrown around so freely back then. It goes back to that battle, back and forth in my head, of wanting to feel free to say what I want to say, and then [worrying about] what may or may not affect people.”
See? We faggots needn’t worry or be affected because all those bashers who hate fags, they’re gonna read this Rolling Stone article before blasting the song in their pickup — and they’re gonna go to Wallmart and buy a dozen pink roses instead of beating up the gay boy down the street.
You see? Eminem has basically announced that word FAGGOT isn’t derogatory anymore , it just means you’re a bitch. So basically MZ. SPEARS could have named her single WORK F**GOT.
Anyhoo, here’s how our LGBT poster child uses the word FAGGOT in that non-derogatory way on his queer poz new LP:
RAP GOD:
Cause Fab said he looked like a fag at Mayweather’s pad
Over the back of a couple of faggots and crack it in half
You fags think it’s all a game ’til I walk a flock of flames
BAD GUY:
Now who’s a FAGGOT, you punk?
With every FAGGOT you slaughtered
And a loving mention of anal sex:
EVIL TWIN:
Hi Faggot,
Look who’s back with a crab up his ass
So thankfully, EMS has come out of the woodwork to change the meaning of the word FAGGOT for all the haterz out there and it’s just in time. According to the FBI in 2012 hate crimes against LGBT folk are on the rise, “But for the first time, crimes directed against individuals on the basis of sexual orientation came in second at 20.8 percent, overtaking crimes based on religious bias at 19.8 percent.”
In all honestly. It’s really a shame that M doesn’t have the balls to take a stance and perhaps showcase how he’s changed some of his narrow-minded misconceptions after he hit the scene with his first two albums (see testicle-free photo above for proof.)
It’s called GROWING UP.
MS. EMS knows full well that anyone listening to the gay bashing lyrics above will take them as affirmation of their hatred of LGBT people. SLIM can’t even own up to the fact, instead he gave ROLLING STONE some Sarah Bachman-eque double-talk. Perhaps EM’s isn’t something to be heard as much as seen these days. If you do Google search for ‘EMINEM NAKED’ you get some mighty sexy results. What better way for us queers to revolt than with a good wank?
Slim Shady, indeed.
LISTEN & REVIEW: Lady Gaga’s Dope tops US ITUNES in a hot minute
There is a buffet decanter of PIPING HOT SAD-SONG TEA for you this morning as Lady Gaga drops DOPE and it tops US TUNES by 9AM.
While Dope isn’t what I’d call radio friendly, the drunken TOM WAITS inspired romp that ends with some excellent synthy punctuation adds some emotional depth and vulnerability to what we’ve already sipped from ARTPOP. When GAGA and KATY PERRY dropped their lead singles in the same week way back in August, it was fairly obvious to this bitch that a song selling as as much as ROAR is an indication that the public is more invested in the single than the album. See DIE YOUNG and BLURRED LINES. GAGA was the one with the advantage. Applause never topped the charts, but it burned up radios, sold well, and remains in the top 10 of the Hot 100 to this day. The public had already torn Gaga down and were waiting for her resurrection. It worked for Britney, Beyonce, and Mariah — I think Xtina is still trying to figure it out.
But I digress…
While Katy Perry’s album sales felt a bit underwhelming for someone who hustled so hard to purchase all those #1 singles, then shed her sexuality to cater the tweenieboppers Mylie left behind without a fake plastic princess to adore — GAGA has been pelting us with one buttery hot crumpet after another. Those blog trolls around the globe seem to be impressed. When a song like DOPE tops the Itunes charts so quickly, it means bitches are curious and excited to see what the rest of ARTPOP has to offer The biggest aboutface with this era is that Gaga’s back to being somewhat lighthearted and fun — not every crack we see is her ass. And what gay man wouldn’t be proud of a bitch that rips her own wig off on stage? In this era we finally get to see the real Gaga.
What do you think?
LISTEN & REVIEW: The fragrant tea on Britney Spears PERFUME
Yours truly decided to wait on pouring the piping hot tea on Perfume until she could sleep on it. Tea is so much better in the morning, don’t you agree? The hysterical bitches over at That Grape Juice stomped all over Brit-Brit, causing the Britney STANleys to issue threats of death, dismemberment, and 24 hour non-stop playing of WORK BITCH outside their flats (a horror worse than death.)
The piping hot tea on Britney Spears’s new ditty is that it’s a whiff of FRESH AIR, only slightly compromised by Will.I.Am’s production, but I have to give him props for keeping his hands off the vocal processors. For the first time since Everytime, we are getting a Britney Single that showcases her real voice. Bitch can still sang!!!!! She actually has a real voice people — and it’s not Minnie Mouse!!!! For that alone, this song deserves to rocket up the charts faster than a Miley Cyrus song w/ a lesbian orgy video.
To say this era started off on the wrong foot would be an understatement. It started off with amputated legs, and also no head. Robotney emerged from her cave, as she does every 2 years, programmed with 2 new sentences: , “This album is my most personal” and “Vegas is gonna be hard work!” An ad for Starbucks or a song called “My Sweatpants” would have been personal. Hot pressed bitches like me were left scratching their wigs when the atrocious Work Bitch dropped. On the first listen, I cried and ran through a plate glass door. On second listen with blood pouring down my face, I sewed a voodoo doll in the shape of Will.I.Am and stabbed with the shards from my blood stained booty. On third listen, I went and bought BANGERZ and happily curled up into a fetal postion until now.
PERFUME serves up some lovely retro 80’s synth that sounds like an homage to Madonna’s TRUE BLUE era. The little sonic hints of Live To Tell and Like A Virgin are excellent pacing for the verse, but I want at least one chorus to feel absolutely epic. Max Martin is a master at the epic chorus reprise after the middle-8, it’s what makes Wrecking Ball a heroine high on each listen — that silence before the crescendo of the final chorus. But I get it, this song is a little more subtle and the hooks in Perfume are certainly there, they just take a couple listens to sink in. After spraying myself with Perfume again this morning, I was thoroughly hooked.
As for chart performance it’s hard for me to predict if this will undo all the damage done by the wretched WORK BITCH. People seem weary of Britney at this point, and she hasn’t been doing herself any favors in her televised interviews. She seems horribly uncomfortable in the roll of celebrity. She even looked terrified in her interview with Alan Carr — one of her gays!!! It’s painful to see how she struggles to say the word ‘BITCH.’ There are so many musicians and celebrities like PRINCE who hate fame but love the stage. I do wish Britney would embrace that type of persona and just make the type of music she wants to make — even if it’s a song about her sweatpants. This brings me to my last gripe, the title of PERFUME. One has only to do a Google search for ‘BRITNEY SPEARS PERFUME’ to see how the song is a thinly veiled effort to provide an anthem for her mega-selling product. This comes off feeling less than genuine. Gasoline did the job perfectly.
While PERFUME is an epic aboutface from WORK BITCH, Britney’s strongest momentum comes from the lead single. Even though TILL THE WORLD ENDS was a much better song than HOLD IT AGAINST ME, it only managed to climb to #3 on the Billboard Hot 100. On a ballad level, PERF doesn’t reach the heights of the vulnerable EVERYTIME, the unreleased STATE OF GRACE, the pulsating UNUSUAL YOU, or the robin-hood inspired CRIMINAL — all 5/5 teacups to go with my crumpets. Britney’s management team was wise to release the song on Sunday, because it requires a couple sips before it hooks into the psyche, and of course #3 would be a resounding success at this point.
MY RATING? 4/5 teacups.
Halloween Terror: Will.I.AM is the producer of BRITNEY’S new single, PERFUME
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse than waking up to used toilet paper dangling from your cherry tree on hell night, news has come down of the most devastating sort.
SIA has just tweeted that WILL.I.AM is the producer of Britney’s next single, Perfume.
We all know how that went with WORK BITCH and just about every song WILL.I.AM gets his hands on. I’m sorry but I have to remind you of the worst song of all time now, that horrendous Dirty Dancing “song” that was the sonic version of a dull knife entering my rectum each of the 2 times they played it on American radio.
I was truly holding out hope that WORK BITCH was a terrible mistake that would be corrected. That Will.I.AM would be restrained form having any other material on this album. This is a man whose idea of depth is a party in dim lighting.
Why is that the executive producers of Britney’s last three albums release only the singles they’ve produced? Femme Fatale belonged to slave-driver DR. LUKE (Free Ke$ha, bitch.) And now this.
Clearly I went from feeling like Nov 5th was the day I could expect the resurrection of Godney to another attack of Robotney.
DEATH TO AUTOTUNE INDEED!!!!!
Personal album, my butt hole!
Why BANGERZ honky tonkz all over PRIZMZ sorry cheap boring sexless ass!
Mylie Cyrus BANGERZ
There is a tiny bit of talk about Katy Perry’s boring PRIZM album, since it will probably hit the BILLBOARD 200 chart at number 1 — and boy did she work hard for it, buying up all those number one singles from the TEENAGE DREAM era and making our lovely fay queen/king of pop, Michael Jackson, turn over in his grave. While Katy is busy keeping her whipped cream spewing boobies flaccid, it’s time to remind everyone that BANGERZ is the fully pulsating vagina in the room — at least until ARTPOP drops. I’ve read a lot of hot-fuzz babbling pseudo intellectual reviews of Bangerz — strange horrendous people whining and moaning how uncomfortable it is to hear Professor Mylie deliver lines like “I’m a Southern Bell, Crazier than Hell, Getting wild up in here, Getting live up in here… ”
“It’s AKWARD!!!!!!!!!!!” they say as they slip their stylus into their rectums (rectii?)
These bloggers are serving you piss warm Sanka, not HOT BLACK TEA. Over on this site, the stove is always on blast, with plenty of boiling water waiting for your tea bag to be gently dipped in (that reminds me of last night..)
BACK TO BANGERS: Mylie enters the strange and deliciously uncharted territory Honky Tonk Hip Hip with relative ease. I know this has been attempted in the past, but let’s just say that Miley went whole hog on it. WE CAN’T STOP and WRECKING BALL are two giant anthems, but for Mylie’s third single she better drop the bitchy Rihanna/Reba-esque DO MY THANG, the boot-stomping 4×4 (Featuring Nelly), or the country-invades-broadway ready FU (feating French Montana). These three ditties are enough get me to the local rodeo where I can wrangle myself a young buck and do my own version of BANGERZ on a haystack in the parking lot.
Hot Black Tea 